I'm sixty years of age. That's 16 Celsius. ~George Carlin, Brain Droppings, 1997
Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair. ~Sam Ewing
Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. ~Red Buttons
Our birthdays are feathers in the broad wing of time. ~Jean Paul Richter
My father used to play with my brother and me in the yard. Mother would come out and say, "You're tearing up the grass." "We're not raising grass," Dad would reply. "We're raising boys." ~Harmon Killebrew
A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age. ~Robert Frost
When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years. ~Author unknown, commonly attributed to Mark Twain but no evidence has yet been found for this (Thanks, Garson O'Toole!)
There's something like a line of gold thread running through a man's words when he talks to his daughter, and gradually over the years it gets to be long enough for you to pick up in your hands and weave into a cloth that feels like love itself. ~John Gregory Brown, Decorations in a Ruined Cemetery, 1994
Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ~Elizabeth Stone
One father is more than a hundred Schoolemasters. ~George Herbert, Outlandish Proverbs, 1640
The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. ~Lucille Ball
It kills you to see them grow up. But I guess it would kill you quicker if they didn't. ~Barbara Kingsolver, Animal Dreams
Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. ~Chili Davis
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